6 Days Sober

I finally started going to meetings when I returned home to Florida. There was nothing especially upsetting that happened last Wednesday when I ended the day in a bar. In fact, I had started therapy that day, something I desperately need and something that has been so helpful to me in the past. It should have been a fine day. But for some reason my head filled up with voices - about my debts, my anger with my mother, my uncertainty as to where to take my life from this point - and getting a packk of cigarettes was not enough to quiet them. Of course I only intended to have one or two drinks. Of course. So after taking the following couple of days to recover, I started what I hope will be a complete 90 in 90. I am actually feeling hopeful and have been for a couple of days. I still am not crazy about meetings but I have made the decision not to analyze why I don't like them and not to analyze the meetings themselves. I go because I am told this is part of the program of recovery that will help me stay sober. I don't understand how that works and it is okay that I don't understand. I will just continue going everyday.