I wasn't going to pick up a 30 day chip today for the same reason I didn't pick up a white chip one month ago - I have so darn many of them. The white chips, I could tile a kitchen floor with them. A blinding reminder of failures past. But I did get a chip tonight because it feels like these 30 days were hard won. There were quite a few nights that I felt like drinking but did not. Those first two weeks in particular were hair raising at times but here I am. It's no joke when they say that those first 30 days feel like 1000 nights. They sure did to me.
1 month down, another 24 hours to go.
G'night.
Middle School Heart
10 years ago
Married to an alcoholic. Joined an on-line al-anon group. Wanted to let you know that I like your honesty-it gives me some insight to my AH. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteYours in recovery.
Patti
Hey read that you hit 30 days of sobriety again. I'm five months in this month. I don't know long you've been able to stay sober in the past, but the first month is the worst and then it goes uphill from there. So just try to stick it out.
ReplyDeleteGreat job. I totally relate - the first month feels like it lasts FOREVER. Your honesty is so amazing, keep on keeping on. I'm rooting for you.
ReplyDelete-Ellie
I will be sober 15 years 12/18/2009. It would be 22 years plus a few days if I'd stayed sober from that first white chip. The suggestions work when I use them. There have been stages in the last 14+ years which felt similar to that first part of clean time but something does get better because I just don't WANT to drink. Amazing and grateful to God as I understand Him. I don't remember the first 30 days but I do remember the first 18 months. I was insane! Do not know how I stayed clean other than my Higher Power. I did not use a sponsor, did not make meetings as suggested, did not call people. What I did do was show up early and stay late to the 2 or 3 meetings a week I did make. I washed coffee cups and ashtrays because they told me it would keep me sober. And I did not talk a drink NO MATTER WHAT! Congrats on that 30 day chip. Don't negate it because it is not your first. It is still a miracle!
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