Enabling

I went to a women's meeting this morning and like happens at 99% of meetings, the topic of discussion was just what I needed to hear. We talked about enabling, with many of the women there talking about enabling their children and how difficult it is to stop. It was interesting hearing their take on it as I was always the enabled, never the enabler. They talked about how sometimes cutting their kids off and/or kicking them out of the house is the only way to save them. For me, my parents' did not get to that point until my alcoholism was costing them their health, their money, and their respect in their neighborhood. And while I understood why they finally got to the point of kicking me out, it still made me angry.

I find that in the past few weeks, every time I am getting angry at someone, I force myself to consider how my actions brought about the situation in the first place. And what it comes down to is that every major and minor upsetting or negative situation that exists in my life right now is a direct result of my drinking or my immature feelings of entitlement (itself a result of stunted emotional growth due in large part to drinking.) Part of no longer being enabled is being allowed/forced to grow up and make decisions and take responsibility for the outcomes - good or bad - without expecting anyone to bail me out. I suppose 37 years of age and a mother of three is a good place in life to start acting like a grown-up and taking responsibility. haha.